Grief is Sneaky

 "Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot." — Jamie Anderson

Grief is sneaky. 

It can show up at the most unexpected times, prompted by the most unassuming things, and displayed in very different ways for each of us.

This week, grief surrounded me and those close to me as we all grieved someone different in our lives.  It was prompted by things as varied as a familiar cologne on an elevator ride, exhaustion after a sleepless night, an invitation to a party, or an anniversary of an important day. 

And it looked different for each us.   

It showed up as an uneasy feeling, knowing that something was missing. Tears ready to fall in an instance.  Even the possibility of a panic attack doing something ordinary as an everyday activity.

For each of us, it was love that had no place to go. 

The ones we love weren’t here.  They weren’t here to call on that special day, to receive those hugs that were always so special, or to fill the the rooms and parties where we expected they would always be.

Time acts to lessen the raw edges of our grief.  The sharpness may lessen. The unexpected tears may fall less often.

But the love remains.

And perhaps that is why grief is so unpredictable. Love does not follow a schedule, and neither does grief.  A scent, a date, a song, an empty chair, or an ordinary moment can suddenly remind of what – and whom– we have lost.

So when grief sneaks up on you, perhaps you don’t have to push it away.  Notice it.  Make room for it.  Let yourself remember.

Because what feels like grief arriving unexpectedly, is simply love reminding us that it is still here.